Notes - for fellow diarylanders!
Guestbook - for outsiders!
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2002-03-20 - 2:13 p.m. I'm writing from the library again. It's been a while since I've done this, huh? My dad's on the comp all the time at home again... he asked me if I wanted him to make a dentist's appointment for me. I thought about saying no, but, it has probably been too long since the last time I went. I'm 25 and don't have any cavities (that I know about) so I'm always a bit reluctant to go to the dentist in case my perfect record gets somehow spoiled. Well, it's going to be spoiled eventually, isn't it? It's not like I never eat sugar... I've been thinking about what be-zen wrote in my notes, about having to give myself a chance before someone will give me a chance... and it seems like, I'm not sure, it seems like it's almost right but there's something I disagree with in it too. It's something like, um, sometimes I feel like I am a great person or, sometimes I feel beyond the whole question of what kind of person I am... but it comes and goes. And it doesn't come from me. That's sort of what I meant the other day when I said I feel like I'm turning religious... I believe that there's something outside, you know, something outside of us all, and I don't know what it is, but I know it's important. I mean, things come to us as gifts, laughter is a gift... but the joke that made us laugh came to the comedian as a gift aswell. Who gives the gift? That's my question, that's what I'm thinking about. And, I guess "giving myself a chance" - well, I don't feel like it's in my power to do it. I think that that's another thing that comes as a gift. Maybe I'm just being weak, maybe I'm making excuses for myself - in fact, knowing me, that's exactly what I'm doing. :) - "It's midnight in manhattan This is no time to get cute It's a mad dog's promenade" - Bruce Springsteen
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