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2002-02-01 - 5:49 p.m.

I need more obligations. I dread having more obligations. I need to grow up. I dread growing up. I need to... I need to do some more serious work on my PhD. I hate tension. I want to be like the guy in "Hungry Heart":

"like a river that don't know where it's flowin'

I took a wrong turn and I just kept going"

Yeah. Just making wrong decisions or just doing things the way a river does, without trying to make the right choices all the time or anticipate the consequences, just following the flow of events, effortless... I need to stop trying to anticipate the consequences of every single thing that I do. I dread the future.

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"This thing we call existence

Who knows what it all means

Time and Life and People

Are just glossy magazines" - Loudon Wainwright III

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