Notes - for fellow diarylanders!
Guestbook - for outsiders!
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2002-01-31 - 9:11 p.m. I had to write a synopsis of the last seven years in an email today, so I'm going to paste an edited version in here, because... well, it's an entry, I mean, it's material, I mean, well, I'm lazy. - 1995 - Got a job at luna park, moved out of home, spent most of my time either working, reading, or going out drinking. Everyone who'd just finished school was in the same sort of limbo as I was, so there was plenty of company, although it still felt pretty lonely a lot of the time. Having gotten used to being in school and surrounded by (mostly) friendly faces all day every day, it was a bit of a shock to find myself alone all the time. Still, the work was undemanding and I was good at it, I did a lot of enjoyable reading, and had lots of fun being irresponsible with friends from school. However, the place I was living in was pretty unpleasant - living with junkies was a learning experience to begin with, then it just became hard work. I felt I was stuck in a rut, so at the end of the year I decided to go and travel overseas for a year, in England and South America. 1996 - Spent the year travelling in England and South America. In England for about four months; met my old friends from when I was growing up there, some of them I got along with, some of them I didn't. It was pretty good fun, all up. South America was beautiful but I was there for 6 months and was progressively more and more homesick for the last 5. Met lots of interesting people and saw some amazing places but I was dying to get home by the end. 1997 - But home wasn't as I'd been imagining it while I was away. I had the constant feeling that I'd missed out on all sorts of important stuff by being away, and that I'd sort of falled out of the circuit and there wasn't any room for me anymore. Then my friend DY from Bathurst said that he was setting up a place out in the middle of nowhere where we could "get away from society" (or some ridiculous idea we had of what society was, blech, it was so stupid, but anyway) and so I moved up to Wattle Flat with him and his friend DM, living in a little cottage and growing vegetables and raising chooks and stuff. Except, DM and DY were far less interested in growing vegetables than they were in growing marijuana, and when the harvest came in they turned into total bong-zombies and I became very bored and then the marijuana began to run out and DY became emotionally unstable and threatened to hit me and that was that. While I was living with them I started to learn to play the guitar, though, which has subsequently become quite a large part of my life, so it wasn't all bad. Came back to Sydney, to my parent's place, and decided that I'd given the real world all the chances it deserved, thus it was time to go back to school, aka university. Writing essays again took some getting used to, but it wasn't too difficult and I did well. 1998 - Decided for reasons I don't really remember anymore that what I really needed was a part-time job. Maybe I was thinking of moving out of home again, who knows, anyway, got a job at the cinema, which was a bit stressful sometimes but I liked it. I was good at the work and made friends with the other people who worked there (although I don't really see any of them anymore - work friendships are like that I guess). My performance at uni suffered a bit because I was at the cinema so much, but I was still doing ok. Had my first really good uni experience around this time, doing a really interesting sociology subject with teachers that were kind of radical and weird and anti-establishment. Changed from being a history major to a sociology major. 1999 - My general dissatisfaction with life lead me to the idea that if I moved to Canberra all my problems would be solved. I think mainly I was lonely (I'd been single for about 5 yrs at this point I think) but also I was becoming a total recluse because I was always working at the cinema on weekends when everyone else was having their social life, and at uni the rest of the week, where I wasn't making any new friends, I guess because I'm shy and also because arts is like that, as I guess you know, unless your experience of it was very different to mine, anyway... So, on the day before I moved to Canberra I met a girl called AM at a wedding, and we got along very well and then I wrote to her from Canberra and it was all very romantic and exciting and I was very happy. I lived with my cousin CA in Canberra, and got a job at a little cinema there, and had a relationship-by-correspondence with AM in Sydney, and went to ANU which wasn't too taxing but not very exciting. Then I moved out of CA's place and in with some friends that I knew through both JL and AM, and they were very cool and life was even better. And then, um, ah, I discovered the joys of youth allowance, which I was able to get on the strength of the fact that I'd earned lots of money at Village. Quit my evil job at the evil cinema in Canberra. Then AM and I broke up; I think all we'd had in common to begin with was a desperate desire to "find someone", and it had been quite magical at first to find each other but we gradually discovered we had absolutely nothing in common and didn't enjoy each other's company very much and basically it sort of fizzled out. Hmm. And life in Canberra was much colder than it had been in Sydney and I wanted to get back to the sociology department at UNSW, which I realised was unique and special and maybe my only chance at happiness in the academic world, so back I came to Sydney. 2000 - I can't remember the beginning of this year very clearly, I guess I mainly just dealt with all the bureaucratic hassles of changing back to UNSW from ANU and getting Centrelink to keep paying me Youth Allowance. I started going out with JA, who I knew from school in Bx. Once again being in a relationship made me very happy to begin with and then it sort of wore off; however I felt so guilty about breaking up with her that I couldn't, so I stayed with her, moved in with her, allowed her to believe that we might get married some day... and then I couldn't take it anymore and left and it was a big, ugly, nasty scene. Crying, screaming, accusations and so on... blech, I don't like to think about it. 2001 - JA got herself a new boyfriend which made me feel much better. Promised myself I would never get involved with anyone ever again. Did honours in sociology, which was more work and stress than I ever want to cope with again, but I got a first and a scholarship to do a PhD, developed something of an internet addiction, um, I don't know, honours kind of took over everything, I didn't really do much else I guess. Finally made some friends at uni. 2002 - This year I haven't really done anything. Vaguely contemplating plans to move to Katoomba. Um, yeah, basically just been playing the guitar, riding my bike, seeing friends and feeding my now rather scary internet addiction. Oh, and vaguely working on the PhD thesis, but I don't officially start until March so I've been pretty relaxed about it. - I've tried to remove identifying details from this, but if you spot any, let me know, please? - "And all the keen social workers Regardless of the cops somehow Couldn't love you back to life again now" - Carter USM
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