Notes - for fellow diarylanders!
Guestbook - for outsiders!
|
|
2002-01-26 - 6:13 p.m. In life, as in drawing, I have absolutely no sense of proportion. Last night I got my ear unblocked, hooray! And I was completely happy and at peace with the world this morning, playing the guitar and listening to the wonderful stereophonic sound emanating therefrom. Then I discovered dustmites on my arms as I was sitting at the computer, and was totally freaked out, and it was like the whole world collapsed and there was nothing in it but me and millions upon millions of tiny creatures trying to eat me. I don't know, it seems like either I'm completely happy or completely unhappy, and when I'm in either state the other state seems sort of unreal, as though it doesn't really exist. I mean, just today, I've probably gone between total overwhelming joy and total overwhelming misery about 5 or six times (that's uh, total number of journeys, if you see what I mean) and I just don't get it. No sense of proportion. No feeling of slight disturbances, no.... hmm, no equanimity. Maybe it's better than pure equanimity, which is I think what I project to other people, but anyway, blah, I am rambling about myself, maybe I should stop. - So, now to talk about myself again, what a surprise. Um, talking to AL today, she told me I should keep living with my folks, thus allowing me to save a huge proportion of my scholarship money. Later in the day there was a thoroughly stupid domestic incident which left me boiling with unexpressed rage and made me realise, I HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Who cares what it costs. Really, I can do it, I want to do it, I won't hurt anyone by doing it, where's the hitch? I just need tp remember that those little bits of green paper (well, blue plastic in this country) exist for my sake, not the other way around. - "Teachers, are my lessons done? I cannot do another one" - Leonard Cohen
|